Journaling the Journey

So this is how it happened...

A very long time ago (let's not talk about HOW long ago) a high school teacher told me I had a "gift." Now, this was a significant thing, because up to this point, I was a pretty depressed kid who felt completely ordinary and unremarkable...the kind of teenager who desperately longs to be unique in some way, but feels unbelievably "vanilla." Then a teacher told me I had a "gift." It changed my whole world. The gift? Writing.

Fast forward a few years and I have 20 or 30 half-finished stories, but no sales...and I'm pregnant. Now, being a mom is something I've dreamed of my whole life, and there's no way I want to miss out on a single moment, so (thinking I'm doing the noble thing) I put my writing on hold for what I'm hoping will only be a little while and concentrate on being a mom. My thought is that I'll crank out a couple of babies, see them safely ensconced in full time school and then go back to my writing during my days. Things never quite work out the way we plan, do they?

By the time my third child is born, I'm already homeschooling the oldest. See, all my kids are special needs...turns out, some needs the school can deal with and some they just really can't. So I became a homeschooler...for the next ten years.

Now here I sit. My oldest is grown and gone, my middle is graduating next year and doing excellently in public high school, and my youngest is full-time at the local middle school. I have my days back. It's time to pull my dreams out of mothballs and breathe life back into them.

I started by participating in 2008 NaNoWriMo. It was a frustrating experience for me. There were just so many questions I had...so many things they don't teach you in school. Several times, I just put it all away and gave up out of frustration. Last summer, I separated from my husband...that was the impetus for many changes.

One of the things I've learned is that it's REALLY not healthy to put your own needs and desires in a box and only cater to others. I had thought I was being noble, but I was really being self-destructive. I can't do that anymore. I'm no good this way. I can't be what everyone else wants me to be, and not be who I am. I have to be ME first.

This past year, I participated in NaNoWriMo once again. I failed miserably, but it gave me the momentum and the courage I needed to do this for ME. I turned the web inside out for advice on the things I didn't know how to do. In my journeys through the internet, I found Holly Lisle.

Holly Lisle (in case you don't know) is a fantasy writer who has written God-knows-how-many articles to help aspiring writers. Every "how-to" question I had, she addressed somewhere on her website. No more quitting in frustration. THIS time, I'm not quitting. For my self-respect...for my sanity...for my soul...THIS time, I'm finishing a book! I'm not expecting to be the next J.K. Rowling...I'm not after a quick buck...I want a career...I want THIS career. I want to spend every day for the rest of my life putting words on paper that touch people.

I started this blog to journal about my writing progress and my life in general. It's a place for me to air my frustrations and shout my victories. I'm learning to stand on my own two feet...learning to do what I need to do for ME...learning that I'm no good to anybody if I'm no good to ME. I'm learning that selfishness has gotten a bad rap...a little bit of selfishness is healthy and normal, and it's time I grew some.